Are you relating or co-habiting?
In my work as a therapist, I see many clients who are disconnected in their relationship, seeing it more as an arrangement of convenience, a house sharing, than a meeting of souls.
I have written down what I believe are 5 cornerstones of a good relationship; feel free to measure your own against them:
1. Physical connection. This can be represented by a really good sex life, but can also be met through a base of more subtle sensuality. This might involve holding hands, the love of the smell of their hair after a rain shower, the subtle sounds they make while sleeping, or the gentle movement of their chest as they breath.
2. Admiration – do you respect and admire your partner and visa versa? Where do you each have gifts and skills that nurture the other, drawing them to a higher expression of their own capabilities and desires?
3. Kindness and empathy – Are you equally available to each other, able to offer support when it is needed while still able to receive it when the roles are reversed? Do you have the openness, trust and vulnerability to do this?
4. Evolution – A relationship needs to evolve to thrive, stability and repetition are doorways to stagnancy. This growth needs to be more than simply acquiring practical skills or knowledge, it needs to be a growth of the soul and a shared willingness to be heroic in taking on and transcending challenges as a couple.
5. Freedom from judgement – To be allowed to make mistakes, to be loved without conditions, held by the basic assumption that you are both always doing the best you can.
If there are gaps in any of these areas there is a risk of neediness, entanglement, blame, co-dependency, cords and soul loss creeping into the relationship.
When I journeyed into the mythic to explore the essence of relationships I was shown two people facing each other with energies from each chakra meeting the corresponding chakra of the other.
When I asked Huasca, the guardian of the underworld, how to enhance our relationships, I was shown a series of gifts that can be invited into each chakra. This process is a powerful shamanic protocol, often used in soul retrievals and other ceremonial rites.
Please feel into these gifts and, if they feel helpful to you and / or your partner then please do invite them in using the affirmation that follows. Here are the gifts I was shown for each chakra:
Root: kitten
Sacral: honey bee
Solar plexus: mushroom
Heart: stony bridge over a stream
Throat: call of the tawny owl
Brow: lake
Crown: caterpillar
If you read the following affirmation you can feel into my understanding of the nature of these gifts, what they each offer, but please do let your own imagination and senses add or alter what I have written. If they do feel right to you, then by all means invite them in reading out the following, or your own words if you prefer, with a hand on the relevant chakra as you do so:
“For the highest good of myself and all beings, I call upon the following gifts to enhance my ability to be and thrive in relationships.
In my root chakra, I welcome the playfulness and explorative energy of the kitten.
In my sacral chakra, I call upon the honey bee to help me find my drive for sweetness and my sense of community and place.
In my solar plexus I welcome the essence of mushroom, with its capacity to stand strong and independent while nurtured by the mycelial network beneath.
In my heart, I call in the essence of a bridge over a stream – the solidity and consistency of the connection from one side to the other, with the capacity for the fluidity of life and all its emotions to flow sweetly underneath.
In my throat, I invite in the clarity and respect of the tawny owl mating call, with the beautiful ke-wick’, and ‘hoo-hoo’ response, complete only with two committed participants.
In my brow I welcome the essence of a deep, still lake – the calmness, and presentness it represents but also its depth and wisdom.
Finally, in my crown I welcome the energy of caterpillar, that sense of potential, of transformation and making the impossible possible.”
If you choose to do this, I hope it helps you find the best version of your relating self.
With blessings
Andrew